Reflecting

 

Maybe it’s because I feel some kinda way –
yesterday sits on the edge of my mind,
like a clingy child on grandma’s full hip…
Her supple cheeks were soft to the touch.
Much of the time, I was lost in their silkiness.
I remember she smoothed on Olay with an
away and up motion. That was the key,
she told me… the key to maintaining. And,
though I hated being sick, I do often miss
the awakening sensation of her go-to Vicks.
No one else did, but she cared enough to
provide the right rub for whatever ailed me.
The vibrato in her song lends chills to my
memories, and her depth of soul must’ve
evolved throughout the centuries. There’s
no other explanation for her effect on life.
Life then… was sustaining, but never enough
to satisfy my imagination… so I dreamed often.
Dreams were my existence, and reality… just a
resistance to the world as it should be. All the
bitter circumstances never defined me: broken wills,
hustled bills, shattered hearts and scattered parts…
heavy chains, spiritual drains, twisted knives and
sold-out lives… scantly father, love imposters,
damaged siblings and no forgiving… evil games,
lacking shame, pimped-out children calling
mommy’s name and… tomorrow we’ll begin again.
Yeah, whatever.
God’s got me and He made me clever. Wherever
my flesh existed, my mind was above it. All I
ever did covet was acceptance… you know,
to be enough of the stuff that makes parents
want to hold you close, say you’re pretty, look
into your eyes and –for once– not lie, protect
your innocence, rein in the recklessness, perhaps
even pray for their children’s successes.
Yeah, well.
God’s got me and He made me from His heart.
At the start, I didn’t realize that wherever I am,
Love is too. In this truth, there’s nothing more,
below nor above which carries more weight.
I don’t hesitate to embrace the arms that
left me cold… to find beauty in the eyes that
couldn’t behold me with affection and verity.
Incredibly, I have room to accept those who’ve
never accepted me… then, now or ever,
because I’m clever and I know… it’s most
difficult to accept what one cannot understand.
I am not a man, but I can still be the bigger one.
I can rise much higher than a baby girl’s corruption,
stretch a lot further than a spirit’s deconstruction,
reach far deeper than a soul in isolation. Creation’s
center floods my veins, and I am infinitely more than
any context. Though seen in a reality quite vexed,
I am a dream – a damn good one… the kind that
trembles bones when it speaks to souls and
softens hearts with eternity’s love; that eases
wounds and lingers on the senses; and without
pretenses, dissipates the bitter circumstances
which should never define. Much of the time,
away and up is how I maintain divine. I am a
dream which sits on the edge of the mind, like a
love child clinging to mama’s full hip, making
all life carries just worthwhile enough to
dream a little longer.
Perhaps, I am a reflection of her…
or maybe, I’m just feeling some kinda way.

 

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11 thoughts on “Reflecting

  1. I agree with Sreejit…halfway through I imagined you standing on stage with your funky hat, reciting this with a passion in your voice and movements in your limbs. Bravo!! Love love love!! I love when a blogger just pops up and finds me, just when I truly needed to read this. Thank you, kiddo, for being you x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lol… if only! I almost posted this in the Dungeon. I went back and forth because the feelings behind it “feel” intense enough for a bigger audience. However, it’s so personal that I wasn’t sure if it’d be relatable on a larger scale. I was thinking… Sreejit is gonna be like, why the heck that girl put this on my site!!! Haha… so, I’m kinda thrilled & surprised you feel it’s my best. That’s awesome!!! Thank you, thank you!! ♡

      Liked by 1 person

        • That is funny… I was just thinking on the drive home from work that I should record that piece because you would be tickled pink (or some other more manly color…). Now I must… since we both thought it! YouTube in the works this weekend… 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • There ya go… I tried to make a more fast-paced video, but it kept coming across as angry and hostile. Lol I couldn’t get a happy medium, so ended up going with my first clean take. I forgot how draining trying to shoot a halfway decent video is… geez!

          Liked by 1 person

          • Yeah, awesome. You look like the mafia boss telling stories to the kids. Funny how different lines stand out when I hear it aloud. I didn’t even notice, “and I am infinitely more than any context,” before. Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Love that.

            Liked by 1 person

            • You made me laugh out loud!!! Hilarious comparison… I wore the hat for Oliana, realizing that her “vision” of me on stage with a hat was based on one of my profile pics. It’s very cool that other elements jumped out at you. Glad I could deliver. 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

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